R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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