it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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