I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
