I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
