got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
