I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
