You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
