My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
