I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
