You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
