I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
