I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
