I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
