This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
