Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
