apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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