My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
