Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
