I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
