what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
