you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
