my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
