I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
