My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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