it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
