I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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