Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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