she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
