I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
a search helicopter?!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
