I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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