yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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