i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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