Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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