I'm drive I can fine osifer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
