Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
