When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
