The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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