went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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