I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
