we have pet lesbian snakes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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