You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
