sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
