I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
