either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
