So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
