Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
