please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
