remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
