I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
