i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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