we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
